IS IT READY YET? AND CHARLES OF THE ONE NUMBER

My nose is firmly glue to the laptop screen but I can feel a pair of eyes drilling into the back of my neck.

“Are you finished yet?”

“No. Nowhere near.”

“What bit are you doing now then?”

“These are the corrections and suggestions my editor sent through.”

“Ah, so it’s not ready yet?”

“No.”

“Is it nearly ready?”

“No. These bits here are the word repetition stuff and commas in wrong places. Then I have a list of major suggestions on the storyline to consider. Then it goes back to her, and I drop it to my kindle and read it through and then, when we are all happy with it, I’ll send it flying across the lounge, via some satellite in space, onto your laptop.”

“So, it’s not ready than?”

“Ah, no. Not yet.”

“Won’t be for ages then.”

“At least a couple of weeks I think.”

“Oh.” DH wanders off to find something else to do.

DH is just itching to get on to Createspace and begin the upload and format. I really don’t know why he is in such a hurry, the truckload of Prozac I ordered has not arrived yet and I will need several shovelfuls to keep him calm. Frankly I’m dreading it, the air will be blue as one thing after another goes wrong.

Now in winter this is not as serious, the doors and windows for the most part are closed. But we are in the high season right now, with everything flung wide open and several of the apartments around here are temporarily housing young and impressionable minds. We don’t need language like that floating around our urbanization.

I have to admit that DH is good at the formatting, it’s just with age, from one book to the next (and let’s face it, I’m not churning them out all that often) it’s easy to forget how to do it, or remember the shortcuts you discovered last time.

Still that is to come soon and in the meantime I’m heartily sick of the book myself and beginning to wish I’d put Amie six foot under months ago.

Now for a bit of groveling and pleading, where I lose all sense of dignity (you lose a lot of that when you self market). Would you believe I used to be a quiet, shy, wilting violet? No?  This email dropped into my inbox a couple of weeks ago.

During the month of June, close to 6,000 book lovers nominated what they consider The 50 Self-Published Books Worth Reading (2014/15). The competition was fierce and only the very best have made it onto the final shortlist – and that, I’m happy to say, includes your book, Amie An African Adventure. This month, ardent readers will be voting to whittle that shortlist from 100 to 50.You do not have to do anything – you’ve already played your part by writing a book that so many people evidently love – however, you may want to ask your fans to visit    www.readfree.ly      to vote for Amie An African Adventure in the Literary Category. Good luck.  We’ll post the final results on www.Readfree.ly early in August.

I’m not really begging am I? Just doing as I am told. Should you wish to vote for Amie, I would be so thrilled, but if not, then firstly I will never know, and secondly there is no truth in the rumour that I will be shinning up the drainpipe outside your bedroom window, axe in hand, to ensure that you do.

Time to go back several more months, to the time when Charles I ascended the throne and history moved into the middle period, NOT to be confused with the Middle Ages. Now the reason that Charles came to the throne was a) James was dead. b) he didn’t dribble. c) he thought it was time he had a go.

Thus began the struggle between the Cavaliers – wrong but romantic and the Roundheads, right and repulsive.  As a cavalier King Charles had a long pointy beard, flowing locks and gay attire.

CHARLES I 2

Here are some nicely dressed cavaliers.

CAVALIERS

The Roundheads on the other hand were clean shaven, wore tall conical hats, white ties and sombre garments.  Of course, war was inevitable! But I’ll tell you more about that next time.

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