DH has finished reading. Time for the final session. We sit at the table. He takes a breath. I wriggle nervously. We begin. (By now, you will have noticed the short, sharp sentences. These, I am reliably informed by proper writers, add tension and build up suspense, so by now you should be sitting on the edge of your seats. You’re not? Well I tried).
“You describe the blood flowing in the river.”
“Yes, I thought that rather good. You see after…”
“But it’s dark.”
“Yes it’s night time but …”
“You wouldn’t see the blood floating on the water in the dark.”
“Ah, yes, well maybe I could bring the moon out briefly so she could see it, I really like that bit.”
“Wouldn’t work. You still couldn’t see it.”
Sighs. “OK.” (delete, delete, delete).
“Now, X goes down to the desk to find out what date it is.”
“Well they have been away from civilization for a long time and they are not sure…”
“They were working on the lap top?”
“Then why didn’t they just look at the right hand side on the bottom of the screen?”
Looks. Sees date. Feels stupid. “Ahhhhh, yes. Maybe I could get rid of him for a few moments if he … no. OK it’s gone! Scratch, scratch, scratch.
“Hails of bullets?”
“Another nice phrase I thought, I’ve read that somewhere I’m sure.”
“Hail falls from the sky. Doesn’t work. I’ve been in the army remember and you don’t get hails of bullets.”
Delete, delete, delete, scratch, scratch, scratch.
“Now this is just total rubbish. And you’ve mentioned it three times!”
“Animals and their code of conduct. They don’t have a code of conduct!”
“Oh yes they do! Not on paper no, but they follow the basic survival rules and they don’t have the same base behaviour man has. For example, they don’t kill for fun …”
“No code of conduct.”
“It’s not written down in a charter or anything but they do …”
“They behave like animals.”
“Yes, decent animals they don’t do the awful things these people do and they are supposed to be above the animals. I’m going to fight you on this one.”
“Be it on your own head. You want men to read this book don’t you?”
“Of course I do. Why?” suspiciously.
“You’re sure it’s not for Mills and Boon?”
“I couldn’t write a book suitable for M & B if my life depended on it. Oh, no, I see where you are going with this. Amie stays the way she is. She’s evolved for sure, but she’s not a hardened battle scarred member of the SAS or the red beret’s or green or whatever colour they are. She’s going to stay a female.”
“She’s lying here in hospital. What’s wrong with her?”
“Well after the (embargoed until publication) she lands up there.”
“So, does she have broken bones, has her head fallen off? What are her injuries?”
“Do I have to explain that? I’m not good with hospital stuff.”
Suddenly, in a mad attempt to deflect further comments I exclaim in amazement how many downloads I’ve had on my free book promo.
“Well in that case, after giving all those books away for nothing, we’d better celebrate by going to the supermarket and buying a loaf of bread, it will go nicely with the water.”
I’m not the only one in this house with a warped sense of humour.
I’m not sure if James of the many numbers had a warped sense of humour or not, but he sure had a lot of problems. There were groups of people who just refused to think the right way.
One group of people who were totally fed up, were the Pilgrim’s Progress gang who sailed off west in the Mayfly and became one of the chief causes of America.
Now you may remember this was the welcome Christopher Columbus got on the other side of the pond.
They all seemed very pleased to see him. But this was not the case for the Mayfly passengers as this is what they saw as they approached land.
This of course made them feel very welcome. But then from round the corner came a group of people who showed they were most unhappy.
So, there were people already living there and they were appalled and displeased with these newcomers, obviously developers, who were now going to ruin their land.
Especially when the Mayfly crew showed them their vision for the future. They had it all planned out.
But we must abandon them to their fate and return to James who by now had taken an inordinate interest in witches. More on Monday.