I was a little dismayed by one response I got to my blog on AM I WASTING MY TIME. This author thought I was being negative. Not at all, perhaps the humour was a little obtuse. Take me seriously at your peril! I thought I was just being realistic and we all need to think out of the box these days and find new ways to promote our books. And, please note this is also aimed at those who read books as it will give them an excellent insight into what hoops we authors have to leap through to get to the #1 slot.
Be warned, some of these ideas may mean you connecting with unsavoury characters in the underworld (I’m still trying to find out who they are myself) but I’m sure it can be done.
First, gatecrash any really big national news channel while they’re on air carrying a pile of your books. Slam one copy against the nearest camera, so it gets a huge big close up. You can be sure that all the other cameras will be focused on you as you are dragged out kicking and screaming – remember to use the title of your books frequently in your protests as they evict you.
Second, choose a suitable venue, Buckingham Palace is good, or the White House if you’re American. Chain yourself to the front gates after tying several print copies of your book to various parts of your person. Make sure the chain links are thick, if possible some metal that will take a long time to saw through (google metals suitable for your purpose)
Third, storm into a large book fair dressed in the most bizarre costume you can find (for me, writing about Africa this would possibly be bare-breasted with a grass skirt) flinging leaflets in all directions. You might even manage to disrupt an important, serious lecture. Generally make a nuisance of yourself.
Fourth, crawl across a major public square (Times or Trafalgar would be good) wearing only your books. If you don’t get on the local news, I would be amazed. When arrested hold a book signing at the police station – especially good for those who write crime thrillers.
Fifth, frame your book covers and hang them beside an important piece of art in a national gallery – The Night Watch, The Mona Lisa, Guernica would be good ones to choose.
Six, print out several hundred copies of large posters showing your book as #1 best seller on the NYT list and stick these over the frames so thoughtfully provided in underground and metro stations. It should take a while before anyone notices it’s the wrong book, but in the meantime … think of all those sales.
Seven, identify where they are shooting exterior location scenes for a blockbuster film and walk into as many shots as possible reading your book. Before you’re thrown out fling copies at the major stars. Who knows they may pick one up and read it and give you an endorsement.
Eight, (only if you have a head for heights) climb up some important building and refuse to come down until your sales graph on KDP has streaked into the stratosphere.
I hope these helpful hints will take you to #1 and allow you to share your masterpiece with the whole world. However, if all else fails, in desperation, you could blog about your books and hope to make a sale or two.
Do you have any other creative ideas you could share with us? if so, please leave a comment and maybe re-blog to get the word out there.
Next time we travel back to the Far East – have a good week.