Since this is not the first Monday of the month I am a week late for my usual post when I have a little rant or I talk about books and marketing. (You are probably surprised I think about writing about books and marketing – yes?)
Sadly, I now know that I will never be the first person to visit Las Vegas and not put a single coin in a betting machine. It’s been done, but my point here is that I never waste money, and no one on this planet will persuade me to pay for something that I don’t need and don’t want.
I’ve always had to be careful of the pennies, and I’m tough and unmoved by sellers of any kind. Those who have read my autobiographies will tell you I am super-tough.
That said, I am wary of all the training and ‘tip orientated’ (not the rubbish kind) emails that drop into my inbox, promising me #1 in all genres within 10 minutes if I only cough up a couple of hundred (You can afford it! We offer monthly payments!).
I understand that some gurus, probably in the US have spent weeks, months, years, decades working out the very, best, persuasive selling techniques. Very few of them work with me. Why?
Firstly, in their excitement and enthusiasm they often treat me like an idiot. OK, so I am an idiot but I keep that a huge secret.
Secondly, I like to know up front exactly what this is going to cost, then tell me the benefits.
Do they? Not a chance. I am treated to a long winded (especially if you add in the ums and ahs) story about how they were broke and in debt before they had this amazing, brilliant, failsafe epiphany and now they’ve just bought a second Maserati for their 3 year old.
By now I’m shuffling my feet. Tell me the cost then tell me the main features of the product/wisdom/information.
Not a chance. They waffle on and on and on, often two at a time if they are podcasting and they still don’t get to the point.
I’ve watched videos on line for all kinds of products and it’s always the same. A lot of them last a full hour by which time I’m screaming up the walls and swinging off the curtains in frustration.
DH and I got caught once, you know those guys in the street offering a free bottle of bubbly to attend the presentation? Seven times I interrupted the hyperventilating salesman to try and speed him up.
“How much are the units?”
“I’m coming to that just now.”
Several more minutes pass as he waxes lyrical.
“Can’t we just jump to the price right now?” He ignores me and babbles on.
“Look, please.” (This is me being patient and polite). “If it’s above a certain figure there is no way we have the spare cash, and so, we are not able to buy one however nice it is.”
“I tell you in a minute.” He rabbits some more. He is not deviating one milimetre from his prepared script.
“But if you jump straight there it will save our time and your time when you could be talking to a prospective customer who does have the spare cash.”
“If you’ll just listen to …”
By this time, I’m ready to jump over the desk and strangle him and it’s building up my resentment to buy big time. I’m getting to the stage where if he offers me a whole condo for $5 I shall tell him it’s too expensive.
And then there are the book blurbs – and we all know what we should put in those.
“As Carin is stalked by an unknown …. Can Matthew save her in time?”
“She yearns for love but could this be the one saviour she has been waiting for?”
“Can they discover the murderer before he throws them on the bar-b-que and eats them with a crunchy green salad like he’s done with his other victims?”
I just want to scream “Of course he/she/they will or no one would be left to tell us about it!”
OK, so I am really strange, it’s true that modern selling techniques just don’t hack it for me. That said I’ll simply put my Amazon author page address and you can visit it or not as you please.
Tell me I’m not alone! Does the above get right up your nose as well? (Now you weren’t expecting a phrase (or is it a clause with a verb in it?) of such literary genius from me were you?)
Till next week when I will be back with the travels and history and the tale of the lap dancing club – take care.