THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN OFTEN

I’m trying to type this up with my eyes closed and that’s not easy for me as I’ve never learned to touch type. I do so hate this self-promotion stuff, but as DH informed me in ‘that’ kind of voice if I don’t tell anyone I write books then no one will buy them.

So I suggested he write this blog and got ‘that’ look. DH wouldn’t touch Social Media with a bargepole. He must be the only person on the planet who doesn’t have a Facebook page and has only learned that Tweets exist since they’ve been showing Donald’s efforts on the BBC news. He’s just told me to stop whinging and get typing. (Rumour has it he was browsing the yacht chandlers yesterday, but I’ll be lucky if I can afford a bath sized boat for him to play with – which I wouldn’t buy anyway as we only have a shower).

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Big breath and here goes: My first memoir Walking over Eggshells is on sale until Monday at $/£0.99 if you want to grab it cheaply – available on all outlets. myBook.to/WoE

The blurb is:  Walking Over Eggshells is an autobiography that tells the story of a mentally abused child, who married a “Walter Mitty” clone. They moved from England to Kenya, from Libya to Botswana and on again to South Africa. It took all her courage to survive in situations that were at times dangerous, sometimes humorous, but always nerve wracking. She had a variety of jobs, different types of homes, and was both a millionairess and totally broke. She met royalty, hosted ambassadors, and won numerous awards for her writing and television programs. She also climbed over garbage dumps, fended off bailiffs, and coped being abandoned in the African bush with a seven-week-old baby with no money or resources. She admits to being the biggest coward in the world, but her survival instincts kicked in and she lived to tell her story. This book will make you laugh and cry and hopefully inspire others who did not have the best start in life either. 

This morning WoE rose to the giddy heights of 242 overall in paid Kindle books on Amazon but of course, I had a little help from BookBub, no, make that a lot of help! And, as they do, it’s sinking a bit now, but I was there with the screen shot. And the little yellow sticker has gone too and I only blinked once! You may say “Oh how sad Lucinda” here. But I am thrilled with over 600 sales since BB did not accept it for America. WoE is also up for a paperback giveaway on Goodreads, closing date September 10th. That comes with a free bookmark and a pen – that’s the best I can do, I live in Spain and the postage is too expensive for mugs and aprons, wall hangings and Lucinda E Clarke pyjama sets. https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/241508-walking-over-eggshells

As I’m getting ready to put the 4th book in the Amie series up on pre-order, I’ve also dropped the price of book 1 to $/£0.99.

Amie – African adventure – in case you might like to meet her. As far as I know she is the only female spy in Africa – though that doesn’t happen until book 3. And the blurb for that is:

AMIE 1 NEW COVER KINDLE HIGHER RES

Just an ordinary girl, living in an ordinary town, with nothing but ordinary ambitions, Amie Fish is plunged into hot water when her husband is posted to a country she’s never heard of. Amie’s ability to adapt and make a life for herself in equatorial Togodo lands her in more trouble than she could have imagined, her life is threatened and everything she holds dear is ripped away from her. She is left fighting for her life. If she could have seen into the future, she would never have stepped foot on that plane.

It’s got lots of nice reviews and you’re not taking a massive chance at that price, are you? And, if you’re enrolled in KU it won’t cost you a cent. myBook.to/Amie1   

WRS Kindle Cover (1)

 

And, there’s more. I launched part one of my free book The very Worst Riding School in the World at the end of June and to date, it’s had over 1,200 downloads pushing that to #1 in genre on 5 Amazon sites.  myBook.to/WRS

Finally, if you still need reading material here’s a final reminder for the big book competition http://bookhub.online/book-giveaways/super-summer-reads-giveaway  press the link to enter before it ends on Sunday.

That’s all from me until Thursday and another author to meet, I so prefer that 🙂  And if you’d like to share this post, I really won’t mind 🙂 (Luckily you can’t see me grovelling at this point, it’s not a pretty sight!)

Take care.

 

I CAN’T WRITE PROPER

I am feeling quite depressed at the moment. Why? Once upon a time, I thought I could write. Not as well as Tolstoy, or Shakespeare, but the average, everyday stuff. This is a good thing, I thought I’m not particularly good at anything else. Don’t ask me to draw a smiley face, or cook gourmet meals, I plant, nurture and watch the green leafy things die, I’m best in the back row of the chorus (or off stage altogether) and … I could go on and on about my lack of accomplishments, but I’ll spare you.

At least I can write, pop words onto paper in reasonable order, tell stories and the extra bonus is I can do that as long as I have wiggly fingers and the mental capacity – unlike those super sporty people whose career is on the downward slope by the time they’re 25.

My belief in my one and only ability- I won’t go so far as to call it a talent – was reinforced by all the people who paid me to write: important people who ran banks, government departments, magazines and newspapers, radio and television, corporations and educational institutions. And I mean pay, yes real money not the pennies Amazon dribble into my bank account at the end of each month. This big money paid the rent, bought food, clothed us and put petrol in the tank. It even paid for the odd cruise and trips abroad. It continued for almost 40 years until I retired and began to write books.

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Now, I know that was all an illusion because ‘I can’t write ‘proper.’ How do I know this? I only have to look at my editor’s red pen marks on my drafts of Amie book 4. Frankly, that is all I can see, a sea of red, it’s almost impossible to make out the underlying black print under all the corrections. For example, I’m a victim of ‘tautology’ – yes I had to look that up too – Horrors, I use five words when I should be using only two! I sprinkle commas all over the place where they shouldn’t be and leave them out where they are an absolute must.

Now what I want to know is, who are these faceless little, grey men who sit somewhere declaring that this sentence is correct, while that sentence is not? I know that the French literary people meet once a year and discuss the purity of their language and decide to ban such abominations as ‘le sandwich‘ and ‘le weekend‘ so I must assume there is a similar gathering of English speaking experts who do the same?

The rules seem to multiply and change daily.  Nowadays you must never, ever start a sentence with an -ly word eg. ‘Suddenly the silence of the night was shattered by the roar of …”  NO! NO.! NO! Adverbs are out this season, you must find a different word. No longer can we put she walked slowly – even if that is what she is doing – it must be shuffled, or ambled or sauntered or another simile. But what if she is approaching the gallows  – her last few steps on this earth – would she really amble or saunter towards the hangman’s noose? She might shuffle of course, but we want to convey that she approached with dignity and courage. Heaven forbid we put She walked slowly and courageously to her death

Ans when did it become necessary to hyphenate every thing in sight? I don’t remember reading nine-year-old in books when I was younger? Why is nine year old wrong? Grammarly has just put a huge, fat red line under it for me.

English is such a precise language. I read somewhere that it has more words than any other and each one is precise and conveys a slightly different meaning to any other word.

And as writers, we all know there is an army of grammar nazis out there just waiting to pounce on our books and complain. Some writing is obviously wrong – we was sat – is a great example (who sat them if they weren’t inanimate objects?)  But real people in the real world do say that. Looking at this paragraph, I remember being told in English class you never, ever, ever start a sentence with AND or BUT – they are conjunctions or joining words – now you see it all the time.

Punctuation has also undergone a shake up. Colons and semi colons are rare, the looooong dash is now popping up all over the place. It has even got a name to differentiate it from the short dash.

I despair, I really do.  I know my editor is right, she’s got dozens of English and editing degrees and stuff to prove it, and I know once Amie 4 is out there no grammar nazi will dare criticise it. But I’m not sure it’s quite the (incorrect) way I write anymore and I quite liked my ‘chatty, who the hell cares if I use too many words, I write as I talk’ sort of way.

I love my editor I really do, despite my moans, I couldn’t do without her, she’s really the best.

I’m not sure what the answer is. Do we blaze a new trail of English as what she is wrote and spoken in the 21st century?  Or do we blindly follow the rules?

What do you do? Right now, I’m off to get my dark glasses so I can continue editing.

We have still to finalise the cover, which do you prefer?

Have a great week and take care.

CABLE CARS AND COVERS

THE BIG TRIP ALMOST OVER

On our first full day in Singapore we did our usual hop-on-hop-off bus tour to see as much as we could and pinpoint what we’d visit later. Apparently according to the diary I was on painkillers to keep me going, but such is my mind these days I can’t remember which part of me hurt, or why.

On our walkabout, we noticed this building – not used as a church these days for sure!

I love stained glass windows. This gives you some history.

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And a couple of pictures of the cable car ride but more about that next week.

HISTORY

Now I think I mentioned that Bertie (Edward VII) was a bit of a lad as they used to say, and even though he settled down it didn’t stop him from having his lady friends and his last great mistress was Mrs Keppel.

Mrs kepple

He would visit her in the late afternoon, usually after opening a supermarket or cutting the ribbon on a new nuclear power plant and she played such an important part in his life that when he was dying the Queen asked Mrs. Keppel to visit him on his deathbed, and hold his hand. Now wouldn’t most men like an understanding wife like that?

 

COVER REVEAL

One thing I like about my blog is the interaction with readers. The newsletter goes out and that’s pretty much the last I hear of it (oh, I mustn’t forget the sign up link or I’ll never get up there with the others who have thousands on their lists – I’m still at the very bottom – sigh – http://eepurl.com/cBu4Sf ) . Here on my blog I love reading and answering your comments and I do want your advice. What do you think of the cover below? Would it entice you to buy the book and what would expect the story to be about? I’d love and value your feedback as I’m hopeless at this bit of the book manufacturing process.

Amie 4 full cover v2

Till next week, take care.

SINGAPORE 2 AND THE STUFF UP REVEALED

Now many people may not know much about Singapore except that’s it’s over that way somewhere, but most of us have heard of Raffles.  This is THE famous hotel and is renowned for its long bar where they serve a drink called the Singapore Sling.

I was amazed by the building and took masses of photos. I suspect it’s also well known for its high prices too. The cost of a room was astronomical!

I so wanted to visit the Writer’s Bar hoping to soak up some energy or maybe have a quiet word, one writer to another, but they were not encouraging the passing trade into the hotel itself. We had to be content in walking around the outside.

However, we were welcomed into the Long Bar and so we had to have a Singapore Sling (don’t ask how much it cost, though we did fork out for one each, it was not the sort of place where you asked for 2 straws).

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HISTORICAL END OF EDWARD VII

Edward lead a very healthy lifestyle. He usually smoked 20 cigarettes and 12 cigars a day. Towards the end of his life he increasingly suffered from bronchitis. In March 1910 he collapsed while on holiday in Biarritz, and back in London he suffered several heart attacks but refused to go to bed saying “No, I shall not give in; I shall go on; I shall work to the end.”

Despite the dishes piling up in the sink, and a week’s ironing waiting to be done, sadly he was not well enough to do his usual chores.

THE STUFF UP

I promised didn’t I? I was trying to think out of the box – way out, be different. So, I hit on the idea of Amie – my main character – suing me for cruelty, transporting her to Africa, throwing her in jail etc. At first I had a few emails saying how clever, and I mentioned it on a live radio interview but the presenter paused and immediately changed the subject. The ongoing story was in the newsletter with exchange of legal letters and so on.

NEW SERIES COVERS 2

Then, I began to get supportive letters urging me to get a good lawyer, and how ridiculous she had asked for £1.5m compensation etc etc. People were taking this seriously, it wasn’t funny anymore.  So I shall end the charade with a simple statement to say we have settled out of court and crawl back inside the box again.

If you want to find out what I did to her feel free to look inside any of the first three in the series.  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LWFIO5K  book 1 also available in Spanish www.amazon.com/dp/B01K7K4JHC  and in audio  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0725CYNYG

Oh and Here’s the link for my newsletter should you want to sign up – in fact please sign up and maybe re-blog this so everyone can sign up – no harm in asking.   http://eepurl.com/cBu4Sf

Till next week, take care.