OK, I have to admit I’ve not read Graham’s book – yet – but I will, the title is enough to make me smile and I know we have the same sense of humour. However, that said Graham and I have met, over Skype as he was kind enough to allow me on his Showtime uTube programme. I’ll be posting the links everywhere once it’s finalized. We had great fun doing it and chatted for ages. A really nice guy and I’m pleased he’s agreed to be a guest this week.
How much was that little screw?
The phone number could have been one of those despicable cold-callers telling me I was eligible to compensation for an accident I’d not had. I usually ignore these, but I’m so glad I answered this time.
“I read your book,” the woman said, in a voice I didn’t recognize, yet with a hint of familiarity.
“I know that voice,” I said, hoping I wasn’t mistaken.
“You bloody well don’t!” she spat, breaking into a delectable Cockney accent that I’d last heard … well, when writing her dialogue for my book. “You never ‘eard me speak like vat before!”
Sharon was an expert on voices, and I can’t remember the number of occasions she had time off working in the shop so she could attend auditions, from Emmerdale to Eastenders, from Minder to Midsomer Murders.
“So what did you fink – I mean, think – to it, the book, I mean?”
“Well, you got an awful lot in there, fings I’d forgotten all about. And that Doctor Who story what I told you that time – fancy you rememb’ring that. I fink you’re a good storyteller.”
“You’re not so bad, yourself…”
And so it went on, talking as if we’d seen each other only the day before, yet it was getting on for over 15 years. Such was the immeasurable bonding we’d had, an intangible spirit that held us together when things were going bad.
How Much For a Little Screw? isn’t a misery memoir, yet it has its lows, as well as highs. I’ve been told by industry professionals that, in a suitable adaptation, it would stand as comedy screen drama, which cannot, and should never be, merely one laugh after another; variation is the key, with happiness and humour tempered with desperation, frustration, and the occasional sorrow.
The book isn’t only a collection of anecdotes about what goes on behind a shop counter; I think, more than that, it was my celebration of the team I was a part of, the people I may have taken for granted at the time – some of who are no longer with us – and a realisation of what was good.
And it was Sharon, bit-part actress (she won’t like that) and people expert extraordinaire, who would occasionally take me to one side and tell me that these were good times, that in years to come I would look back on and wish to recapture and see them for what they truly were: life’s treasures.
http://smarturl.it/littlescrew
Twitter http://twitter.com/grahamhigson @grahamhigson
Thank you Graham and if you need a good laugh do take a look at his book.
lucinda E Clarke 
Thanks for this blog, Lucinda.
It reminded me of my days as a travel agent when, after a particularly irritating bout of people asking me for the cheapest fare to London (from Perth) I had had enough. When the next gentleman sat himself down in the seat opposite mine and asked me for the cheapest fare to London, I, quite innocently I might add, asked him if he really wanted the cheapest fare to London or, did he actually just want a good routing.
“I will dine out on that question for years,” he said, and I, clapping my hand to my mouth, fell off my chair.
I wasn’t fired for my behaviour — I simply couldn’t stop giggling — but it was a close thing.
I think this book has a similar feel.
P.S. interesting how many ‘em dashes in the article!!!
Gabi
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Ha ha you couldn’t resist that one could you! 🙂
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Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
Lucinda E. Clarke meets Graham Higson who is talking about his memoir How Much for a Little Screw…and before you head off on tangents unworthy… think DIY #recommended
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