I’M SORRY – CAN’T RESIST IT

You just may have heard that my latest offering on the shelves is up for pre-order on Amazon – although the paperback is already live. Yes, I’m talking about Unhappily Ever After and here I am again promoting myself, and even as I type this my toes are curling up and I’m feeling most uncomfortable.

But I need to be brave if I am not to sink into oblivion (who am I kidding?)

So if you are thinking about ordering / teetering on the brink / considering it, maybe this might persuade you? A short passage from the book and there will be a couple more to follow before next Thursday April 14th – publication date!

A page stuck his head round the door, flung a scroll at the King and hastily departed, taking great care to keep his eyes on the carpet. The whole kingdom knew what went on in the most royal of bedchambers, but the scroll was marked MOST ROYAL, FOR IMMEDIATE DELIVERY NO MATTER WHAT.

Augustus scuttled over to pick it up. He broke the seal and ran his eyes over the contents.

“Bad news I’m afraid.”

Beauty sprang to her feet, putting her hand on her right breast where she fondly imagined her heart to be. Since her education had not been extensive, limited to singing, piano playing and sewing and spinning with blunt needles, it was amazing she was aware of having a heart at all.

“It’s not …?” gasped the Queen.

“It is.”

“Already?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“How soon?”

“Two weeks.”

“No!” Beauty clutched her head in both hands and moaned while Augustus shuffled uncertainly from one foot to the other like an adolescent on the doorstep at the end of his first date.

“I shan’t go,” shrieked the gently‑reared Queen. “I won’t, and you can’t make me. I shan’t, I shan’t, I shan’t.” Her face turned bright red and she stamped her foot.

Augustus re‑read the invite to the Charmingdon Annual Ball.

“We are commanded to attend, Beauty,” he said. “We simply must go. Can you imagine what they would say if we didn’t?” Beauty wouldn’t have an idea, but he could imagine it very well. “My butterfly, my rose petal,” he put his arms around her.

“No, Augustus, you can’t get round me, even like that.” Beauty flounced away, but not before she’d permitted herself a hearty grope, leaving Augustus crumpled in agony on the floor. “You can’t force me,” she continued from a safe distance. “Why should I mix with that common upstart? She hasn’t got an ounce of breeding in her. Who does she think she is?”

Augustus crawled to the bed and pulled himself painfully to his feet. “Only the wife of the most important king in the land.”

Beauty changed her tactics. She slipped her nightdress down and slid across the satin sheets to her husband in what she thought was a provocative manner.

“Gusty won’t make his little Beauty go, will he?” She ruffled his hair.

Gusty winced. She squirmed against him, pressing her breasts to his arm. “My big, handsome prince won’t force his delicate little flower to go to nasty old Cinderella’s party now, will he?”

The small, ugly prince cringed, jammed between his wife and the bedhead.

He thought fast. “Maybe,” he said craftily, “we could take a few children – the daughters – get them off our hands.”

“Marriage!” Beauty was astounded. “Oh no, Gusty, they’re too young, too fragile.”

“Gladys is in her nineties, high time she flew the nest. If we delay much longer, we’ll never get her hitched. And,” his brain was working overtime, “there was that unfortunate business with the pig slaughterer last year. Dangerous to take the chance of her marrying someone unsuitable.” Beauty was visibly upset.

“Oh yes, oh well,” Beauty paced the room. “How many can we take, four, five, six?” Once Beauty accepted an idea she gave it her wholehearted support.

 

Next time I’ll introduce you to Snow White and King Harold, they have problems as well.

Oh almost forgot the links.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DPVB4M8

UAE KINDLE COVER

Have a great weekend

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10 thoughts on “I’M SORRY – CAN’T RESIST IT

  1. Hey Lucinda I went into the .com and couldn’t find anywhere to write a review. Is that because it’s still on preorder? Pic attached, also it directed me to the Australian site where it looks like it as written by Lucinda E Clarke and Luke Ahearn, no mention of editor. Pic attached. Also no mention of where to writ a review. Odd? Your thoughts? It’s so annoying that you can’t buy anywhere but in your own country! Gabi

    Gabi Plumm and Peter Marsh Documentaries and corporate films gabiplumm@bigpond.com http://plummtreeproductions.com http://nz-skeletons-film.com https://vimeo.com/ondemand/nzskeletonsredheads

    +61 (0) 404025139

    From: lucinda E Clarke Reply-To: lucinda E Clarke Date: Friday, 8 April 2016 8:04 pm To: Gabi Plumm Subject: [New post] I’M SORRY – CAN’T RESIST IT

    WordPress.com Lucinda E Clarke posted: “You just may have heard that my latest offering on the shelves is up for pre-order on Amazon – although the paperback is already live. Yes, I’m talking about Unhappily Ever After and here I am again promoting myself, and even as I type this my toes are cu”

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    • no noe can leave a review before Thursday 14th publication day, it says that on the page I noticed. Also I went back in and checked I’d filled in all the boxes correctly and on the product page it now mentions me as author, you as editor and Luke for the cover. It’s on the short list that it loos as if we both wrote it. I may write to them to mention this, but we are still chatting over the Countdown fiasco right now and I don’t want to cross wires. Does that help?

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  2. Lucinda,
    Since you know the process of getting a book uploaded to Amazon create space, with paperback print on demand, would you ever consider walking someone else through it for a fee? From what I could see, Kindle Only books are free for the author but not the reader. I’m a mental health blogger with some really interesting tidbits about side effect and looking for treatment. So an academic press might be the way to go. The people who have tardive dyskinesia will find me. I searched the ends of the earth during the three years I struggled with no symptom control. Is romance your main thing? Are you watching “Billions?”

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    • Ah Bipolarbrainiac I don’t know about uploading to Amazon as my Dear Husband does all that. I do the kindle uploads as they are quite straightforward and I’m happy to talk you though that, but for free. And believe me you have to pay for your proof copy from Createspace, and then buy your own books too. I had 10 delivered today so I have a few to sell, and by they time I’ve paid for the shipping, I’ll get maybe $1.50 profit from each one I don’t give to friends. no, romance is not really my thing. I’ve written 3 memoirs (no more of them, I’ve exhausted that field 🙂 two novels and now this comedy. I will be starting the third in the Amie series next. we get UK TV here in Spain and I’ve not come across ‘Billions’ yet.

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