Honestly I’m not paranoid, really I’m not, but honestly I do wonder sometimes. I can give you two examples just this week of how life is out to get me.
I’ve said many times that I can take criticism. Yes, it’s true, and anyone who has read the ‘Truth, Lies and Propaganda’ series (plug there feel free to ignore) will remember how many times I got it wrong, or had to re-write those scripts. On one occasion 40 odd times until the last one was almost identical to the first. But then the client is always right even when he’s wrong.
I also knew that a Bookbub promo would bring in the sales (for a while) but also open the doors to lots of reviews which an author may prefer not to read. So of course I read them all, and a few people described ‘Amie an African Adventure’ (another plug here you may also choose to ignore), described the story – which most agreed was good – as unbelievable.
Well really! Yes it’s an adventure story and does not detail her getting up each morning, showering, brushing her teeth, eating breakfast and so on, it’s a little more exciting than that. She has adventures most of us do not have.
So, I was Ok with that, until – I went to see the latest James Bond film. Now that’s TOTALLY UNBELIEVABLE. He blows up a building while wearing a white dinner jacket, walks away with not a hair out of place, and not a speck of dust to be seen anywhere. Then they both jump on a moving train with no luggage at all and minutes later pitch up for dinner in perfectly fitting attire, perfect makeup and even her shoes match. And, I noticed she had three different shades of lipstick when she didn’t even cart a handbag around. My imagination was running riot wondering where she hid all these accouterments. Certainly not inside that long, slinky evening dress, there was barely enough space for all the curvy bits. See what I mean?
I sat in the packed movie house and gasped. Do people believe this stuff? Did they ask where Bond suddenly acquired that car, or how he jumped over 5 rooftops without breaking into a sweat? Or how he had time to pay for all this on American Express with the baddies inches behind him? Now that’s unbelievable, but enjoyable all the same.
The second example of how the world is out to get me – the changes they have made to the blog site. Just as I get to grips with anything in the cyber world, some geek somewhere in some office decides it’s time to change the layout, hide the buttons, re-arrange the format, and leave me searching around for familiar stuff. And that’s not the only site which has changed in the last week. I shall be having that nervous breakdown very soon.
Now, I hate to say this (being a Royalist myself), but I don’t thing James II was too bright, although as far as I know, he didn’t have a nervous breakdown. Look at it this way. Your daddy had his head chopped off for being a bit bossy, showing off a lot and being greedy. Then big brother takes the throne when the English peasants (anyone who wasn’t a royal or a peer was a peasant in those days) got a bit twitchy about their rulers being Roman Catholic. They wanted a Protestant king.
So Charles II (the big brother in question – above) sensibly was a Protestant and went to the Church of England services on a Sunday. Was James as wise? Not a bit of it. He openly made a big thing of being a Roman Catholic. This was at the time when Parliament (who’d got pretty big for their boots) were insisting all civil servants and the armed forces signed the Test Act which said that the Catholic stuff was all wrong.
So what does James (to be the II) do? He marries a Roman Catholic! How daft can you get? So of course people started rebelling all over the place and this is where Judge Jeffries was important as he condemned every rebel they caught and meted out terrible punishments – like taking away the perps loyalty cards for Tescos, cutting off their internet, sending them to Australia for free and cutting their heads off. These trials were known as the Bloody Assizes.
More gruesome details next week.