PARANOIA & STUPID JAMES II

Honestly I’m not paranoid, really I’m not, but honestly I do wonder sometimes. I can give you two examples just this week of how life is out to get me.

I’ve said many times that I can take criticism. Yes, it’s true, and anyone who has read the ‘Truth, Lies and Propaganda’ series (plug there feel free to ignore) will remember how many times I got it wrong, or had to re-write those scripts. On one occasion 40 odd times until the last one was almost identical to the first. But then the client is always right even when he’s wrong.

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I also knew that a Bookbub promo would bring in the sales (for a while) but also open the doors to lots of reviews which an author may prefer not to read. So of course I read them all, and a few people described ‘Amie an African Adventure’ (another plug here you may also choose to ignore), described the story – which most agreed was good – as unbelievable.

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Well really! Yes it’s an adventure story and does not detail her getting up each morning, showering, brushing her teeth, eating breakfast and so on, it’s a little more exciting than that. She has adventures most of us do not have.

So, I was Ok with that, until – I went to see the latest James Bond film. Now that’s TOTALLY UNBELIEVABLE.  He blows up a building while wearing a white dinner jacket, walks away with not a hair out of place, and not a speck of dust to be seen anywhere. Then they both jump on a moving train with no luggage at all and minutes later pitch up for dinner in perfectly fitting attire, perfect makeup and even her shoes match. And, I noticed she had three different shades of lipstick when she didn’t even cart a handbag around. My imagination was running riot wondering where she hid all these accouterments. Certainly not inside that long, slinky evening dress, there was barely enough space for all the curvy bits. See what I mean?

Lea Seydoux
Lea Seydoux in Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Pictures/Columbia Pictures/EON Productions’ action adventure SPECTRE.

I sat in the packed movie house and gasped. Do people believe this stuff? Did they ask where Bond suddenly acquired that car, or how he jumped over 5 rooftops without breaking into a sweat? Or how he had time to pay for all this on American Express with the baddies inches behind him?  Now that’s unbelievable, but enjoyable all the same.

The second example of how the world is out to get me – the changes they have made to the blog site. Just as I get to grips with anything in the cyber world, some geek somewhere in some office decides it’s time to change the layout, hide the buttons, re-arrange the format, and leave me searching around for familiar stuff. And that’s not the only site which has changed in the last week. I shall be having that nervous breakdown very soon.

Now, I hate to say this (being a Royalist myself), but I don’t thing James II was too bright, although as far as I know, he didn’t have a nervous breakdown. Look at it this way. Your daddy had his head chopped off for being a bit bossy, showing off a lot and being greedy. Then big brother takes the throne when the English peasants (anyone who wasn’t a royal or a peer was a peasant in those days) got a bit twitchy about their rulers being Roman Catholic. They wanted a Protestant king.

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So Charles II (the big brother in question – above) sensibly was a Protestant and went to the Church of England services on a Sunday.  Was James as wise? Not a bit of it. He openly made a big thing of being a Roman Catholic. This was at the time when Parliament (who’d got pretty big for their boots) were insisting all civil servants and the armed forces signed the Test Act which said that the Catholic stuff was all wrong.

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So what does James (to be the II) do? He marries a Roman Catholic! How daft can you get? So of course people started rebelling all over the place and this is where Judge Jeffries was important as he condemned every rebel they caught and meted out terrible punishments – like taking away the perps loyalty cards for Tescos, cutting off their internet, sending them to Australia for free and cutting their heads off. These trials were known as the Bloody Assizes.

More gruesome details next week.

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18 thoughts on “PARANOIA & STUPID JAMES II

  1. Haha, Lucinda, real history is often stranger than fiction, isn’t it? As for James Bond, well I suppose the only think you can say in its favour is that everyone knows it’s pure fantasy, but the people who described your book as unbelievable probably wouldn’t even watch JB. I enjoyed Amie very much and actually think it could well be a true story. Africa is stranger than fiction too, but we love it, don’t we? Don’t let the bad reviews get you down. I’ve learnt to take them on the chin and I have less than half the number of reviews you have, so proportionally, your books are doing brilliantly!!!

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  2. I wasn’t so much upset, and I’m sensible enough to know that lots and lots of people won’t like my books – but it was the comparison – all a bit of fun! And yes, it could happen I think. Africa is a strange and wild place even today as we both know. 🙂

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  3. I loved your book, too, and am looking forward to reading Amie 2 (going on holiday over Christmas with a fully loaded Kindle). Don’t worry about the occasional bad review. Bookbub generates downloads and sales and readers feel compelled to say something – usually after Amazon sends them an email asking what they thought.

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  4. It was really funny as they send DH a reminder to review one of my books – as he really had bought it, after I twisted his arm – and he had tried to write a review but of course they kicked him out as being on the same ISP then sent him an email asking why he’d not reviewed it! There goes another 1 star ha ha 🙂

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  5. Great post Lucinda. Anybody who has a negative opinion of ‘Amie’ is either without imagination or they’re a member of the corrupt crowd who are given some air time in the book. Your stories could be fact, fiction or something in between, and unless told otherwise – they read like fact.
    On the James Bond thing … yes, I pointed out each of those things to my wife, much as we enjoyed the movie for the action and the incredible timing when five seconds actually lasts for about two minutes.
    The scene catching my attention wasn’t the attire on the train – it was when they got off the train. Okay, so on the train journey, like many thousands of others I was thinking ‘Oh, well, it’s James Bond …’, but then when the train leaves them in a station reminiscent of Ardlui* – I thought, they’ve got suitcases!
    I’m not going to indulge in any tittle-tattle about the Royals – the Queen used to be my boss! 🙂

    *Ardlui is a tiny place on the west coast of Loch Lomond, and if you are like me and my very new and young wife back in 1977, it might not occur that you have around 25 seconds to grab your bags and get off. 😀

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    • I am a great royalist tom, but they did get up to some stuff didn’t they? I would have too if anyone had given me the chance. The whole point of a fictional book is to take you away somewhere as you sit in your arm chair. To Africa, or fantasyland, another planet, undersea cities. i hope the modern reader doesn’t only want real everyday stuff. I for one wold run out of ideas very quickly.

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  6. Take a deep breath and say “I am the greatest” Which you are, of course. Long live Amie and her adventures. The most important thing is, that i enjoyed the ride, along with her. That’s got to count for something!

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  7. Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
    Lucinda Clark on the double standards with regard to realism and probability… I love Bond movies but you do have to suspend belief to watch them.. but how much belief should we suspend and let them get away with it. Spectre has just taken 330million at the box office since it opened.. however people are drawn to the movies because of the branding. How many I wonder would sit down and watch the film again?

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