VFIHNA – penthouse of top posh, swanky London hotel

ME: rural Spain, home.

VFIHNA – orders luxury fare from room service with buck’s fizz

ME – toast and marmalade at table in lounge/dining room/kitchen with mug of coffee

VFIHNA – reads raving press releases in newspapers while waiting for hairdresser

ME – rapid shower, washes own hair

VFIHNA – browses Dior catalogue before power dressing.

ME – throws on jeans and ‘I am a writer’ tshirt

VFIHNA – descends to conference room to meet press

ME – trip to market to check out new fleece. While there, duck down behind Churizo van to check sales figures.

VFIHNA – morning coffee before meeting with Hollywood producer

ME – coffee with DH at local café

VFIHNA – takes call from second film producer fighting for screen rights

ME – take call from friend, am I free for lunch next week?

VFIHNA – lunch with adoring fans as publicity stunt

ME – sandwich in kitchen

VFIHNA – checks emails including one from Bookbub begging to include the new book in their prono

ME – checks email, another ‘no’ from Bookbub

VFIHNA – rest before glittering evening function in ballroom

ME – ironing, checking sales figures, run round with vacuum cleaner

VFIHNA – liaises with PA and publicist

ME – chat with friends on Facebook, send out begging emails to buy my book

VFIHNA – PR hands list of total sales in thousands for day

ME – on knees groveling to DH to buy one copy of my new book even if he has read it already.

VFIHNA – dresses for banquet in long, slinky, sparkly dress with matching jewellery

ME – peals off jeans and into comfortable tracksuit

VFIHNA – ascends stage to give thank you speech to invited guests

ME – dishing up spag bol in kitchen, before checking sales figures

VFIHNA – receiving accolades and television interview

ME – watching news on television

VFIHNA – off to London nightclub for late night celebration

ME – crawls into bed after catching up on emails.

VFIHNA – mixes with famous film and TV celebrities extolling new book

ME – dreaming of mixing with famous film and TV celebrities extolling new book

(Well I can dream can’t I?)

I want to mention here that No More Mulberries by Mary Smith is on special offer @ 0.99c/p right now and if you’ve not read it, I would highly recommend it – the subject is women in Afghanistan and it’s one of those books you remember long after reading it.

I’m glad so many of you enjoyed the blog share with true interesting bits of historical interest, but now this is me writing, so you can’t trust any of the following.

We’ve got as far as James II and he became king because Charles II had died – of possible natural causes. 330px-Charles_I_and_James_II.png b y peter lely

Here is James with Daddy painted by Peter Lely. (He was a busy painter wasn’t he?)

I must explain here that Charles II and James II were brothers.

James II was a very special little boy, since Daddy was Charles I he was appointed Lord High Admiral at the age of 3.

yellow duck

He was now in charge of all the ducks in his bath and all the ships in the navy. At the age of 9 he was given the Order of the Garter  to keep his tights in place (garter by eyecatching creations) but when the people began to fight, he was smuggled abroad GARTER

disguised as someone else.

While James was growing up he fought in the French army, but maybe we shouldn’t mention that. It’s not quite the done thing, even in those days and his PR department covered up this rather shameful behaviour.

Then his brother Charles really went and stuffed things up by becoming friends with the Spanish who were the enemies of France and so they threw James out of the French army. What was he supposed to do now?


  1. Many thanks for giving a shout out for No More Mulberries, Lucinda. I really appreciate it. It is still a best seller in Asian literature category #7 and #35 in two other categories so it’s been a good promo – even if the results are short-lived.
    Loved the book launch sketch. Know it so well – especially the checking the sales figures. I’m excited by selling above 20 a day for three days – writers like JoJo Moyes, say, sell more than that in an hour. And probably never check their sales figures!
    Did doing the pre-publication promotion have any result? Was it worth doing?


  2. Well, I say! This is a bit of a cliffhanger you’ve left us with.

    Where exactly does this leave poor James II?

    What happens when the Spanish find out he’s been bussom buddy with the Frenchies? It doesn’t sound very promising to me.

    And we have to wait until next week to find out! This must be worse than the weekend without East Enders, Coronation Street and Downton Abbey – whatever they’re about – all rolled into one!

    I’m going to have to go for a lie down.

    Good Luck the sales figures, kiddo. 🙂


  3. Nice, Lucinda! Did you know that VFAIHNA wipes his/her bum like we ordinary authors do and throws up after drinking champagne?
    Keeping fingers crossed for Amie 2 honey!


    • Yes I’ve heard that one before Gabi, and I tried to use it the first time I stood on a stage to lecture to a whole crowd of people. Before the lights went down I was going to imagine them in the smallest room and then I got the giggles….. Not the impression I had hoped for, a giggling idiot 😦


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