BLOG ON HOLIDAY, COMPETITION WINNER AND THE REST OF QUEEN MARY

I am brain dead this morning, trying to think of too many things to do as I get ready for my holiday. Now most people just go away. I don’t. I have to plan days and days in advance, make out dozens of lists of what I’m going to pack, ensure everything is washed, buy essentials to go into the case, then clean the house until it is squeaky clean, get all ordinary washing done and ironed and I must leave clean sheets and towels ready for our return.

A few people might just call me a little obsessive, and if you could see the lists I make, they are probably right. But it kind of extends a holiday and you can drag out the pre-holiday preparations for weeks beforehand, so you feel like you’ve had a really long break. Of course the fact that you are exhausted by the time you climb onto the plane, all adds to the fun.

Among all the other things I was going to prepare were my blogs for the next couple of weeks, but there is no chance of that. You don’t want 6 of these things dropping into your inbox all in one day, so I tried the queuing and post later thing, and scheduled it to go out Friday morning. I then sat and waited for my wonderful pearls of wisdom, or rubbish, however you want to look at it, to go speeding over the airwaves all by themselves last Friday. It never arrived. Wherever it was, it simply went to ground, and after further investigation, I couldn’t find that blog anywhere. As a result, I had to write it out all over again. I keep imagining a bunch of Martians puzzling over my words, and discussing how the educational standards on earth have plummeted.

So the thought of writing another five or so and trusting to luck? Well it just isn’t going to happen, not until I have a better hang of this techie stuff.

So this blog is going on holiday too and will be back again in the middle of June. (You can stop cheering now).

Other news is that we have a winner for the competition, a signed copy of any of my books and the winner, Lizzie Hall has chosen More Truth, Lies and Propaganda, so it will be on its way to you very soon Lizzie (it’s on one of the lists). Thank you for entering and I hope you enjoy the follow-on book in the series.

Now last time we were chatting about Queen Mary – well I was anyway. It was time to start procreating she thought, now I am on the throne, so she looked around for a husband.

Mary was a rather sad queen, and so she married a sad king, Philip of Spain, who came over to England every now and again so that they could begat an heir – that was the way they described it in those days.  And it was a long, difficult and arduous journey just for a quick bonking session on a Bank holiday weekend.

Here is Mary getting on a bit. 

But we should probably be thankful to Philip as he quite possibly gave Michael O’Leary the idea of providing a quicker, more convenient way for us to visit our relatives and loved ones across the Channel. (This was originally written for an expat audience living in Spain).

Of course Philip complained bitterly about having to pay for his mead and mutton sandwiches on the flight and bickered about the high number of groats it cost him. He was very parsimonious.

MOU52694 Portrait of Philip II of Spain (1527-1598) by Moro, Antonio (c.1519-c.1576) (studio of) (attr. to)
Private Collection
© Philip Mould, Historical Portraits Ltd, London, UK
Spanish, out of copyright

How parsimonious he was with Mary, the court chroniclers don’t tell us, but soon she had a very large tummy, and the doctors, who would only examine her from a very long way away, pronounced her enciente. (That’s a posh French word for having a bun in the oven).

Even in those days the National Health Service was hopeless, and they pronounced her pregnant time after time after time.

They were afraid to come any closer than a couple of hundred metres, as the thought of rifling around in the Queen’s underwear was unthinkable. But nothing happened. No heir appeared.

She tried ordering a private medical service, but they would only advance as close as the end of the bed, so they were pretty useless as well.

Again and again Mary thought she was pregnant, she was so very keen to leave the throne to a male Protestant heir. But, it was not to be. It was very tiring having to have all those citizens executed for not being Catholic, so Mary expired too to make way for…..

And that is the perfect cliff hanger ending for now as we will move on to my favourite Queen when I am back later this month.

Enjoy, and if you get desperately bored with nothing to do, you can always read one of my books and write me a thrilling review on Amazon I really don’t mind if you do. The links will mysteriously appear if you scroll down a bit more.

Walking over Eggshells

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00E8HSNDW  http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00E8HSNDW

Amie an African Adventure

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LWFIO5K

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00LWFIO5K

Truth, Lies and Propaganda

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00QE35BO2

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00QE35BO2

More Truth, Lies and Propaganda

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00VF0S3RG

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00VF0S3RG

Take care.