CHEATING, BURGERS AND GARTERS

I am going to cheat a little this morning as we are expecting visitors for a few days and the weather is cold and wet and there is just do much to do.

After reading that only 7% of Facebook friends see any post, I am going to re-post a short extract from More Truth, Lies and Propaganda that I posted on my timeline the other day. There will be a few more snippets before it is launched on the unsuspecting public. Should you have already seen this then do skip down to the bit about the garters.

I do remember on that shoot I had written in a couple of shots of the mortuary. At the time, I reasoned a quick picture of the exterior would be quite good enough, but the client thought this was a ‘really good’ message to get across and was eager for us to go inside. Yes! Inside! He wanted scenes inside the mortuary! Well I’ve done some stupid things in my time, but writing myself into a mortuary scene must be one of the dumbest.

If we had been one of those large Hollywood film crews I might have been able to slide away unnoticed into the background but, when you are one of only three crew members, your absence is just a tad more obvious. As a Director, which is a very smart term for me waving my arms about telling either Subisiso or Carl what to film (in Carl’s case it was more telling him what not to film), if I wasn’t there, someone would notice.

“No, we do not need any shots of those cute babes on the beach with hardly any clothes, we’re shooting a programme on the sewer system so I need a shot down that open manhole into the drains. Right Carl? Not such an exciting shot I admit, but we are explaining waste water here, not half naked women.”

Five minutes later, “No Carl, I am not going to ask that cute babe to come and stand next to the open manhole while you shoot. Now why on earth would she be standing next to an open manhole cover in the first place? Don’t you agree that would look just a little unrealistic?”

So there we were, Carl and Shezi, with me cowering behind them, walking ever so slowly into the mortuary. First the smell hit us, some sort of chemical, something I had never noticed when watching CSI.

On with the history lesson. We had left the Black Prince slaughtering most of the French nobility, meanwhile, Edward laid siege to Calais and when it surrendered, ordered that the six most important burglars come and surrender the keys to the city. After this Edward had all the wool in England kept in a stable in Calais instead of in a sack in the house of Commons. This was OBVIOUSLY the beginning of political economy. These are the burglars.

burgers-fp And here are the keys they handed over. They were not sure which ones fitted the main gates so they gave him the lot.keys ORDER OF GARTER

Edward III had very good manners and we know this because one day he saw a lady of the court whose stockings had fallen down. Other courtiers were laughing at her. Edward stopped dancing and cried “hon y soit qui mal y pense”  referring of course to her state of undress.

He quickly handed her a garter and to shame those at court, he instituted the Order of the Bath so everyone could have one. A garter that is, not a bath.

Have a great weekend!

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