WHO IS CAROLINE? WHAT DID EDWARD DO?

Who is Caroline reminds me of that dreadful song “Who is Sylvia? What is she?” [With abject apologies to the songwriter and anyone who recorded it] but we had to sing it in school. I think our teacher had a special passion for it. I remember it because the boys sitting behind us would carefully untie the bows from the sashes round our waist and then tie them to the rungs of the chairs. When we stood up we took the chairs with us and it hurt, it hurt a lot.

And that wasn’t all. Can you imagine the suggestions the boys made as to where Sylvia was and what she was doing? But this is a clean blog, so add in your own thoughts please. You don’t need me to spell them out here.

Back to Caroline. I started ‘Truth Lies and Propaganda’ by saying I was going to kill her. At the end of the book, I had not decided, so she appears again at the beginning of ‘More Truth, Lies and Propaganda. It’s only at the end of the book I describe her demise. Would anyone like to have a guess how she died? The best answer will get an e.book copy of ‘More TLP’ on the day before it is published. Beta readers and editors are not allowed to enter though! So they must keep it a secret!

For those who were puzzled, I must explain that Caroline is purely a figment of my imagination and she is only used as an example of how writers can do whatever they like in their books. I hope that explains the part she (doesn’t) play in the book.

Now we’ve disposed with Caroline, back to Edward I – actually he’s dead too.

SONY DSCThat’s not him by the way, but these guys are here to illustrate the Scottish people. Because, having decimated several thousand Turks at Nazareth, Edward decided to hammer the Scots. In this way, Scotland now comes right into history.

There’s the hammer he used.

HAMMERThe childless Scotch King Alexander the Great had trotted over a cliff and was thus dead, so the Scots asked Edward to tell them who was King of Scotland. Edward refused to tell them so the Scots crossed the border and ravaged Cumberland with SAVAGE FEROCITY.

STONE OF SCONEStone of Scone hidden under chair.

In reply, Edward also crossed the border, and carried off the Stone of Scone, used for all the Scottish coronations, and buried it deep in Westminster Abbey. No one thought to look for it under a chair, so it was a very clever hiding place. Hidden in plain view until some students stole it.

To add insult to injury all the kings of England sat in this chair when they were crowned so they pretended they were kings of Scotland as well. The Scotch did not like this. So next time you will find out what they did.

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