DREAMS OF FAME CRUSHED

For a few moments last Monday I thought that all my dreams of fame and fortune were about to come true. I received a pm on my Face Book page with an invitation to friendship from a smiling girl with a parrot on her shoulder. She told me she worked for Amazon in the e.book ranking department. This was it, the breakthrough I had been waiting for! Apart from asking questions about the parrot which I thought rather intriguing, I just hoped she might spill the beans on how they decided to rate the books and I would get inside tips, which I was going to share with all my writer friends, and every time anyone logged on to Amazon our books would be up there on page one just begging to be bought.

It didn’t take too long for her to ask me for my email address and bank account details as she had a $6 million prize to send me. Another Nigerian 411 scam, my hopes were dashed. Surprisingly when I refused to give both pieces of information, she cut herself off and I’ve not heard from her again.

But you have to admit, these scammers are getting more savvy. They know our weaknesses, and are quite prepared to play on them. So it’s back to the drawing board and on with the history lesson.

We left off as England was being invaded by just about every other inhabitant on the planet, especially the BRUTAL Saxon invaders who drove other Britons westward into Wales, FORCING them to become Welsh. And a Saxon warrior Hengist with his wife Horsa made himself king in the south and some say he was possibly the first King of England,

SAXON WARRIORS

[Please note I am pretending they are standing in a field of daffodils, the Welsh national flower].

However, this plaque on the wall of Bath Abbey announces that Edgar was crowned there as the first King of all England in AD 973. You can safely ignore the date, I  don’t go in for them in a big way myself. Even in those days they didn’t always get it right. Apparently Edgar is the 29th great grandfather of Queen Elizabeth II, now who would have guessed that?

But now we come to the EGG Kings.

KING EGBERTEGBERT 2

Another version tells us that England was still divided into seven kingdoms, and there were a series of Egg and Eth kings, such as Eggbert, Eggbread, Ethelwulf, Ethelred, Ethelunready, Ethelbald etc. but not much is known about them. So we’ll quickly whizz past those and pick up again in a couple of days.

ONLY ONE SO FAR – DON’T PANIC

I know I promised to ‘learn you’ all about the kings and queens of England and so far we’ve only had one, the lady with the interchangeable name – Boudicea / Boudica, but hang on in there, we are getting to them all. It’s just that the Romans hung around for an awfully long time being force-fed grapes in Londinium and Corinium and Aqua Sullis and other British places they rudely re-named in Latin.

We know the Romans were snobs as they did not mingle much with the primitive Britons who were too busy burying each other in long round wheelbarrows.

cartoon-long barrow

Generally, the occupiers were quite happy, and to prove that here are three more Happy Romans. But all good things come to an end – often a sticky one –  and the invaders were called back across the channel to take part in Gibbons Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, and England was subjected…..

ROMAN SOLDIERS

…. to invasions from the Ostrogoths, Visigoths, and Goths, and Vandals and Huns, and Picts, and Scots, and Angles, and Saxons and Jutes. They were ALL at it.

INVASIONS THEY WERE ALL AT IT

Sadly I must leave them being horribly invaded until the next post. Serves them right for going back to the dark ages once the Romans had left.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Romans in Britain

Onwards with the non-history lesson.  Be honest, you’re not learning much are you? That’s OK there is no exam at the end of this – now there’s a thought. Maybe a free book at the end to the best answers?  I’ll have to think about that. Sorry I did not reply to some of the comments as when I tried to get in – my own blog would not let me! Now how sad is that?

But enough of this idle chatter, back to Roman Britain.

Besides eating grapes they also built very straight roads, all of which of course led straight to Rome. This was very inconvenient for the Britons, as they had no desire to visit Italy. They simply wanted to get to the next town or village.

cartoon-roads to Rome

The Romans caused even more inconvenience by building a very high wall at the bottom of Scotland, to keep out the Scots who were originally Irish, but by now were Scotch, having driven the Irish Picts out of Scotland, who were now living in Ireland and known as Irish. [I bet you’ve always been puzzled about that before, just nice to clear it all up once and for all].

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

[Sorry about the backpacker, he refused to get out of the way].

So, just to re-cap, this time was known as the Roman Occupation, and here is a pic of a Happy Roman to prove it.

ROMAN SOLDIER 2

A bit more about the Romans next time, they did hang around for a very long time!

 

HISTORY MARCHES ON

Firstly let me wish everyone a brilliant New Year and may 2015 bring you everything you wish for and that is also good for your health, happiness and contentment. [I’ve trying to circumvent that old saying ‘Be careful what you wish for!’]

To my writer friends, lots and lots of sales and yellow bestseller stickers and to all my reader friends, many fantastic new books to read – preferably mine! I didn’t say that – really I didn’t.

So, onward with the history lesson.

BOUDICEA BOUDICA 2

 

I mentioned that many British refused to go out and fight the Romans without putting their make up on, but there was an exception. Yes a woman! They fought heroically under a dashing queen called Boudicea – or, as they call her today for some reason that COMPLETELY escapes me – Boudica. In fact they did so well, ….

LATIN VERBS

 

……that poor Julius was forced to return the next year, in 54 BC, yes that is an earlier date, but this is due to the peculiar Roman method of counting. This time Julius was armed with more battering rams and axes and other war machines.

 

CAESAR AND GRAPES

The Romans hung about for two or three hundred years, living a semi-detached life in villas, eating grapes, having baths …….

… more to follow.

Isn’t it great to get educated 🙂