History Re-arranged

I was going to write about a funny thing that happened at the interview yesterday, but I think I have a better idea. However, let’s get that out of the way first.

I had agreed with the editor/reporter from a local newspaper to meet up in one of the nicest cafes in the village for an interview. They do excellent coffee and it was nice and warm, and all was going well, until he got out the dreaded camera.

Those who know me, will understand that the camera hates me with a passion, and since I was muffled up to the eyebrows, and the nearest make-up was 5 kilometres away I could only grin and bare it.

Suddenly our friendly waitress rushed out from behind the counter and went to grab the camera and tried to push us together. She wanted to be helpful and take a picture of the happy couple.

Was I relieved when the reporter was able to explain in Spanish why he was taking my photo and he certainly didn’t want to be in it as well. I thought she looked quite disappointed, but the thought was there.

Now I was on my way to bed last night when I had one of those light bulb moments.

Am I sitting scribbling my next book right now? No, I’m researching frantically for two of the history lectures I am giving next year. The first one is early in February, so I am really behind schedule. I’ve only written about half of it and I’ve still to find all the illustrations for the Power Point presentation.

Three thoughts sort of collided in my head. Firstly I promised to send a copy of my re-arrangement of English history to a FB friend, but it was too big to email through, and refused to leave my computer and leap out into the stratosphere. Then someone else mentioned I should turn my lectures into books, as these take a long time to write, and then I give the lecture maybe once or twice at most, to up to a hundred people and that’s that.  Possibly a bit of a problem in publishing, as I shamelessly cannibalize visuals and as the talks are free and sort of for educational value, I don’t check out the copyright.

Thirdly, another FB friend thought I was writing a book on Cecil John Rhodes – the current project –  and was looking forward to reading it.

Are you with me so far? Well never mind, I’m rambling, must be because it is the end of the year.

So when the light bulb went on, I thought why not share the comedy lecture I gave on all the Kings and Queens of England with you. I could post a couple of frames each day.

So here we go, with the first one or two. There was no way I could get the title slides to copy over as they were composites I can’t carry over, so please just try and imagine those ones.

All the Kings and Queens of England in 53 minutes and 13 seconds. [A lot longer via blog!]

“These lectures are great aren’t they, you always hear something new – – well this morning, you are going to learn – ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Serious students of history may get a little upset, but perhaps YOU can amuse yourselves sifting the fact from the fiction – and there is PLENTY of fiction I can assure you.

Before I talk about the kings and queens, a bit of pre-history is in order. I am sure that most of you know that in the early days, England was just a jumble of individual sorts of states or tribal areas. Each tribe was ruled by the strongest and most ruthless of the chieftains and possibly by the ugliest.

Ancient Britons
Ancient Britons

THIS GROUP obligingly came out on a day it WASN’T raining and posed for me to take a quick photograph of them. I am afraid I must respect their privacy and not divulge their whereabouts. Now, this was a situation that cried out for invasion and in 55 BC Julius Caesar obliged.

ROMANS IN BRITAINJulius Caesar was Roman of course, and the Romans were the top nation at that time due to their classical education and having to learn all those difficult Latin verbs and their declensions.

PUTTING MAKE UP ONJulius Caesar advanced very energetically across the English countryside and faced the Ancient Britons most of whom were well over military age and who spend an inordinate amount of time painting their faces blue. They simply refused to go out and fight before putting their make up on.”

Well you can see how things are going can’t you? So watch this space for more destruction of the history of Britain!

And a Happy New Year to you all!

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